Apologies

I’ve often wondered why apologies are requested. I’ve heard it said many times in many different circumstances, “You need to apologize!” I’m thinking that requesting apologies might be a learned behavior. After a disagreement, I’ve heard some adults say to children, “Now, say you’re sorry.” So, whether the children are sorry or not, they say they are sorry and move on with their day. What is the purpose of these feigned apologies?

I think it is better to model an apology to children rather than demand an apology when adults think children have misbehaved. As a parent, I make enough mistakes to have plenty of opportunities to sincerely apologize to my children for my poor behavior. I have found they also apologize for their poor behavior when they feel they have misbehaved. This is not requested by anyone, but they apologize when their conscience requires it. 

Apology - a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure.

Why would someone apologize for something they did on purpose for good reason, and they would do it again under the same circumstances? I can understand why someone would want to apologize for something they regret, but why apologize when there is no regret? If someone chooses to be angry or offended and demands an apology, should the other person apologize to appease them? How would this help?

There are many examples of when apologies have been demanded or expected but denied. There are also numerous examples of what true regret and repentance look like. Here are a few . . .

Apology Denied

Abinadi 

”And it came to pass that the king caused that his guards should surround Abinadi and take him; and they bound him and cast him into prison. And after three days, having counseled with his priests, he caused that he should again be brought before him. And he said unto him, Abinadi, we have found an accusation against thee, and thou art worthy of death. For thou hast said that God himself should come down among the children of men. And now for this cause thou shalt be put to death, unless thou wilt recall all the words which thou hast spoken evil concerning me and my people.

Now Abinadi said unto him, I say unto you, I will not recall the words which I have spoken unto you concerning this people, for they are true. And that ye may know of their surety, I have suffered myself that I have fallen into your hands, yea, and I will suffer even until death. And I will not recall my words, and they shall stand as a testimony against you. And if ye slay me, ye will shed innocent blood; and this shall also stand as a testimony against you at the last day.” [emphasis added] Mosiah 9:2-3

Nephi

And now it came to pass that after I, Nephi, had made an end of speaking to my brethren, behold, they said unto me, Thou hast declared unto us hard things, more than which we are able to bear. And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken hard things against the wicked according to the truth, and the righteous have I justified and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day. Wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center. And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth and give heed unto it, that ye might walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth and say, Thou speakest hard things against us. And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did exhort my brethren with all diligence to keep the commandments of the Lord. And it came to pass that they did humble themselves before the Lord, insomuch that I had joy and great hopes of them, that they would walk in the paths of righteousness. Now all these things were said and done as my father dwelt in a tent in the valley which he called Lemuel. 1 Nephi 5:1

Jesus

And it came to pass on a certain day, as he was teaching, that there were Pharisees and doctors of the law sitting by, who had come out of every town of Galilee, and Judea, and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was present to heal them. And behold, men brought in a bed a man who was taken with a palsy, and they sought to bring him in and to lay him before Jesus. And when they found that they could not bring him in for the multitude, they went upon the housetop and let him down through the tiling, with his couch, into the midst before Jesus. Now he saw their faith and said unto the man, Your sins are forgiven you. And the scribes and Pharisees began to reason, saying, Who is this that speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone? But Jesus perceived their thoughts, and he said unto them, What do you reason in your hearts? Does it require more power to forgive sins than to make the sick rise up and walk? But that you may know that the Son of Man has power upon earth to forgive sins, I said it. And he said unto the man sick of the palsy, I say unto you, Arise, and take up your couch, and go into your house. And immediately he arose up before them, and took up that on which he lay, and departed to his own house, glorifying God. And they were all amazed, and they glorified God, and were filled with fear, saying, We have seen strange things today. Luke 4:11

Joseph Smith

Some few days after I had this vision, I happened to be in company with one of the Methodist preachers . . .  I took occasion to give him an account of the vision which I had had. I was greatly surprised at his behavior. He treated my communication not only lightly, but with great contempt, saying it was all of the Devil, that there was no such thing as visions or revelations in these days, that all such things had ceased with the apostles and that there never would be any more of them. I soon found, however, that my telling the story had excited a great deal of prejudice against me among professors of religion, and was the cause of great persecution which continued to increase. . .  But strange or not, so it was, and was often cause of great sorrow to myself. However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had had a vision. I have thought since that I felt much like Paul when he made his defense before king Agrippa and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light and heard a voice, but still there were but few who believed him. Some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad, and he was ridiculed and reviled, but all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under Heaven could not make it otherwise. And though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew and would know to his latest breath that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise. So it was with me: I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two personages, and they did in reality speak unto me, or one of them did. And though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true. And while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart, Why persecute for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision, and who am I that I can withstand God? Or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision, I knew it, and I knew that God knew it. And I could not deny it, neither dare I do it, at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God and come under condemnation.   JSH Section 1, Part 2 (1820-1823):9

Denver Snuffer 

Compliance (So Far As Possible)

The problem with Passing the Heavenly Gift has not been its accuracy. The issue raised in the notice I received from the stake president does not say the book is false, contains errors or makes mistakes in history. Rather, it “contains content which must be withdrawn.” That is not an indictment of the book’s accuracy. It is considered subversive by those who want to control history to perpetuate a view of events that do not follow the pattern described by the Book of Mormon prophets, Joseph Smith’s prophecies, and Christ’s description of the conduct of the latter-day gentiles to whom the Book of Mormon would be given.

The first demand is that I cease publication; a task that would involve violation of agreements between me and others. To compensate me for that potential liability and permit me to violate the agreement, I was offered money to cease publication. Offering money to help me violate agreements is not a satisfactory course of conduct. Therefore, I declined; but not before asking those with whom I have contracts if I could be let out of the publishing agreement.

The second demand is that I tell blog readers that the book “contains content that needs to be withdrawn.” I will say this: The church believes very much the content of the book needs to be withdrawn. . . Therefore, to make what concessions I can, I will state for all you blog readers: Passing the Heavenly Gift contains content that will make your appreciation and acceptance of the efforts of the institution now and in the future to bend its teachings to conform to social, political and legal trends much more difficult to achieve. You will be happier if you don’t read the book. You will be more inclined to sleepwalk along with what is progressively distant from the original restoration. You will not detect that these changes mark the downfall predicted in the prophecies of the Book of Mormon and Doctrine & Covenants. While I cannot withdraw the content, you should not read it if it will upset your worldview.

True Regret, Confession, and Repentance

Alma and Sons of Mosiah

Now the sons of Mosiah were numbered among the unbelievers; and also one of the sons of Alma was numbered among them, he being called Alma after his father. Nevertheless, he became a very wicked and an idolatrous man; and he was a man of many words and did speak much flattery to the people. . . while he was going about to destroy the church of God . . the angel of the Lord appeared unto them, and he descended as it were in a cloud. And he spake as it were with a voice of thunder, which caused the earth to shake upon which they stood . . . Alma, arise and stand forth! For why persecuteth thou the church of God? . . .  Behold, the Lord hath heard the prayers of his people, and also the prayers of his servant Alma, who is thy father. . .  I come, to convince thee of the power and authority of God, that the prayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith. . . Therefore he was taken by those that were with him, and carried helpless, even until he was laid before his father. . . And it came to pass, after they had fasted and prayed for the space of two days and two nights, the limbs of Alma received their strength. And he stood up and began to speak unto them, bidding them to be of good comfort. For, said he, I have repented of my sins and have been redeemed of the Lord. Behold, I am born of the spirit. . . And now it came to pass that Alma began from this time forward to teach the people, and those who were with Alma at the time the angel appeared unto them: traveling round about through all the land, publishing to all the people the things which they had heard and seen, and preaching the word of God in much tribulation, being greatly persecuted by those who were unbelievers, being smitten by many of them. But notwithstanding all this, they did impart much consolation to the church, confirming their faith, and exhorting them with long-suffering and much travail to keep the commandments of God. . . they traveled throughout all the land of Zarahemla, and among all the people who were under the reign of king Mosiah, zealously striving to repair all the injuries which they had done to the church, confessing all their sins, and publishing all the things which they had seen, and explaining the prophecies and the scriptures to all who desired to hear them. And thus they were instruments in the hands of God in bringing many to the knowledge of the truth, yea, to the knowledge of their Redeemer. And how blessed are they, for they did publish peace; they did publish good tidings of good, and they did declare unto the people that the Lord reigneth. Mosiah 11:25-29

People of Ammon

. . . Now there was not one soul among all the people who had been converted unto the Lord that would take up arms against their brethren . . . I thank my great God . . . we have been convinced of our sins and of the many murders which we have committed. And I also thank my God, yea, my great God, that he hath granted unto us that we might repent of these things, and also that he hath forgiven us of these our many sins and murders which we have committed, and took away the guilt from our hearts, through the merits of his Son . . .  for it was all we could do to repent sufficiently before God that he would take away our stains . . .  let us retain our swords, that they be not stained with the blood of our brethren . . . And now it came to pass that when the king had made an end of these sayings, and all the people were assembled together, they took their swords and all the weapons which were used for the shedding of man’s blood, and they did bury them up deep in the earth. And this they did, it being in their view a testimony to God, and also to men, that they never would use weapons again for the shedding of man’s blood. And this they did vouching and covenanting with God, that rather than shed the blood of their brethren, they would give up their own lives; and rather than take away from a brother. . . the Lamanites made preparations for war and came up to the land of Nephi for the purpose of . . . destroying the people . . . when the people saw that they were coming against them, they went out to meet them and prostrated themselves before them to the earth, and began to call on the name of the Lord; and thus they were in this attitude when the Lamanites began to fall upon them and began to slay them with the sword. . . Alma 14

Saul/Paul

And it came to pass that as I made my journey, and had come near unto Damascus about noon, suddenly there shone from Heaven a great light round about me. And I fell unto the ground and heard a voice saying unto me, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? And I answered, Who are you, Lord? And he said unto me, I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom you persecute. And they that were with me saw indeed the light and were afraid, but they heard not the voice of him that spoke to me. And I said, What shall I do, Lord? And the Lord said unto me, Arise and go into Damascus, and there it shall be told you of all things which are appointed for you to do. And when I could not see for the glory of that light, being led by the hand of them that were with me, I came into Damascus. Act 12:15

. . . But watch yourself in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of your ministry; for I am now about to be offered and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight. I have finished my course. I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day — and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing. 2 Timothy 1:10