I was still sitting in my chair talking with God. I communicated, “Okay, I’m ready to do whatever you tell me to do.” An immediate reply came, “Then go do what I’ve already told you.” I asked, “What is it that you have already told me to do? I don’t remember anything remarkable, extraordinary, or impressive that you’ve asked me to do. I am failing to remember an assignment from you of any great importance. Help me. What am I missing?”
Then I was reminded and my understanding increased. I had forgotten something very important. Multiple times I had received the impression to love, pay attention to, teach, inspire, take greater interest in, sacrifice my time for, and be patient with my family. What? Right within my own home? Is that your request? Is that what you want me to do? O boy, that’s hard work!
I decided to start doing what the Lord asked. With twelve children ranging from 0 to 18 years old, I am learning fast, and feeling a massive molding process. We learn at home and spend a lot of time together. I am being exposed to a variety of situations, tests, challenges, successes, joy, and absolute failure and intimidation.
Some days are exciting and positive. Most of the children work together, focus, and accomplish much good and learning. Things just seem to flow, peace prevails, and the day passes pleasantly.
On the other hand, there are times, too many times, when brains just turn off, everyone wants attention at once, noise erupts, motivation dies, and daydreaming becomes popular. Things can be chaotic, confusing, and disorderly. Entropy ensues and things seem to fall apart. I can talk until I’m red in the face with little affect on the descending, sliding situation.
To remedy the state of affairs, everyone has to go outside, take a deep breath of fresh air, release energy, and try again. For me, it sometimes takes more than one breath of fresh air to cool down, re-group, and attempt my assignment again. The day sometimes seems to never end, and I fall exhausted into bed.
The Lord knows just how to work with me, shape me, and redeem me. He really knows what He is doing, but it’s hard! Is it worth it? Yes, I believe so!
Initially, God’s directions seemed to be insignificant and not a big deal. Now I recognize that His proposal is actually my next step on my journey back to Him. I must be willing to hear His voice, trust in Him, and make the necessary sacrifices and changes, step by step. I must not second guess His communication or brush it off as being inconsequential. He knows His work and His glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man, even me Moses 1:39.
God knows how to mold me as soft clay, and I must stay soft and remain moldable. At the moment, the way I am shaped and molded, won’t work in heaven. Currently, I am not redeemed, and dwelling in the presence of a holy and just God would be miserable indeed. In fact, I’d feel better not being in the presence of God under a consciousness of my filthiness before Him. Standing naked, unclean, and unredeemed before the glory of God and the holiness of Jesus Christ will kindle unquenchable fire and not be pleasant. Mormon 9:4-5 http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/morm/9.4-5?lang=eng#3
I am in an awful situation, merit being cast out and burned, and represent fruit not worth preserving. My hope, however, is in Christ. He has offered redemption to all who believe in Him, even me. Alma 11:40 I have faith in Jesus and trust I will soon be redeemed by Him. I am confident that I am His divine work in process.
I must have confidence knowing I have done everything He has asked me to do to the best of my knowledge. Men tend to mess up the whole plan and try to rearrange and distort the things of God, thereby sending me off on tangents. I must focus on Christ, no one else 2 Nephi 4:34.
I suppose after being true and faithful to His voice and instructions over a necessary period of time, He will give me the next step according to His perfect judgment and wisdom. As submissive and obedient children willingly sacrifice whatever is required, we will be offered further light and knowledge even until the perfect day when redemption and the fullness comes. “That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.” D&C 50:24
I believe a specific, sufficient, and perfect sacrifice is required in order to make a claim on eternal life and behold His face. I believe the Lord will ask me to make the sacrifice of things near and dear to my heart and require me to give it to Him. Then, I can receive the greatest gift of God D&C 14:7, the Heavenly Gift 4 Nephi 1:3, be redeemed by Him Ether 3:13, and obtain His promise of eternal life Mosiah 26:20.