It all started when I asked the Lord if I could talk with him face to face Exodus 33:11, Abraham 3:11, Genesis 32:30, Ether 12:39. I had read that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever 1 Nephi 10:18 and is no respecter of persons Acts 10:34. If the prophets could see and talk with God, then it looks like the invitation is also open to an insignificant person like me.
Shock and Denial
After I put in the request, my life began to unravel. One of my challenges was to be shown some things I wasn’t expecting to see. I was shocked and troubled. My first reaction was, “Am I hearing what I think I’m hearing? If this is true, I need another witness." God gave me another witness. The witness he provided was pretty convincing.
What I was hearing and feeling challenged some of my major fundamental beliefs, and so I asked for additional witnesses. I needed to be sure that the information was really coming from Him. I did not want to be deceived.
Pain and Guilt
I said, “Now what do I do?”
He responded, “If you ask me a question, I will always tell you the truth. Hearing and understanding the truth may even be painful at times.”
Not only was there pain because of the change that needed to take place in me, but I felt guilty about the past and how I had treated the things of God.
I had given the Lord credit for things he did not promote Moroni 7:14. I was blind and had believed a lie. How could I be so foolish? I’ve spent so much time laboring for that which does not satisfy Isaiah 55:1-2.
Who is promoting these false beliefs? Some of them know better and do it anyway. How dare they pretend and lead me astray. I had put my trust in the arm of flesh 2 Nephi 28:31, and now I felt betrayed.
Preoccupation with the Crisis
I prayed and thought about these new ideas. I talked to others and asked God a lot of questions. I studied the subject from many different angles. I rehearsed the dilemma over and over in my mind. It occupied many of my thoughts and much of my attention.
Reflection and Loneliness
Because of my new beliefs, I was rejected and told I was no longer welcome to participate among my own people. I was informed that I had nothing to offer and to keep my mouth shut. Very few even wanted to discuss what I had been thinking about.
I wondered why? Isn’t it okay to ask questions? There’s nothing to fear because truth stands on its own two feet. Being open to a different way of thinking can unlock the door to new knowledge. As we search with pure intent, we’ll either realize our error or discover a new treasure.
When I changed some of my beliefs, why did it change the way people felt about me? If we really do “claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may” Articles of Faith 1:11, then where’s my mistake? Have I sinned against God? If so, show me my sin, and I’ll repent.
Resolution and Readjustment
As I looked down and saw the sand shifting beneath my feet, Christ gently invited me to move over and stand on His Rock. He knows my heart and hasn’t rejected me. Jesus tenderly said, “Trust in Me.”
I was shown other things I could do with my energy and enthusiasm. He diverted my mind away from the distress and told me to focus on the light. Wisely he counseled, “Don’t fight back. Just move forward. Leave the battles to me.” Romans 12:17-21
Acceptance and HopeMy life doesn’t look the same. I expect to have many more eye-opening, challenging experiences. I don’t know the terrain up ahead, but trust in my benevolent guide Psalms 56:11. He’s given his life for me, and I am graven upon the palms of his hands Isaiah 49:15-16. He won’t leave me comfortless John 14:18.