Gossip vs. Transparency

 Most people need a listening ear as they work through the struggles of life.

Sometimes, being with your best friend is all the therapy you need.  - unknown

You might need someone to talk to about your dilemmas. And those conversations will often include your interactions with those who trouble you. Choose your friends wisely. 

A true friend accepts who you are, but also helps you become who you should be.  - unknown

Is your friend someone who helps you improve and progress? Do they help you see and correct your errors? Or does this “friend” help vilify and “horribilize” those with whom you clash? 

Seek out friends who help you see your part, discover what you can do, understand how you can respond, and help you keep your peace. 

If you need to process your thoughts and feelings by talking to a friend, avoid those who gossip.

Those who gossip with you will gossip about you. - Edgar Allan Poe

A friendship built on gossip will end on gossip. - Our Mindful Life

Gossip dies when it hits a wise person’s ears. - unknown

How do we create an atmosphere where gossip is not welcome or comfortable? What if those who speak to us about others, know we are going to follow up and let the other person know what was said about them? Would they be less likely to share gossip again? Would they be more likely to talk to the person directly? Or would they just find someone else who makes it comfortable to gossip?

Don’t tell me what was said about me . . . Tell me why they were so comfortable to say it to you. - Jay-Z

What happens when we investigate claims made about others by seeking to understand the other side of the story? Is it wise to ask questions and get answers from all involved? 

A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of talking about each other. - Tiny Buddha

I know this will seem a bit crazy, but if you want to know something about me, the best person to ask is me. - James America

Those who are sincere will not be offended when the situation is laid out on the table for those involved to see, even if it becomes apparent they are wrong in their understanding. With gratitude, they will welcome the reconciliation that comes as a result of direct communication. 

On the other hand, those who are in the habit of gossiping are offended when others seek to verify their words. Those who seek to malign and slander others hate this kind of transparency. 

          

Make it a habit of shutting down conversations that aim to tear others down. - unknown

Is the Entertainment Worth the Price?

Gossip is one of those destructive forces where no one wins. Yet, it is everywhere and one of our society's main sources of entertainment. It's in the news, at the office, between neghbors, and the list goes on.

I feel qualified to speak about this topic because I have gossiped, I have listened to gossip, and I have been gossiped about by others. For a long time, I have believed it is not good to gossip, but new insight has given me self-serving reasons to abandon the practice altogether. 

There is an energy exchange that happens with every thought, word, and action. Some see this energy, and others feel this energy. Many are unconscious of the energy flow. We don’t realize how what we do depletes our energy or gives us energy.

So, here is how it works: We are all in need of energy. When we are full of energy, life is great. Without it, we struggle to make it through the day. So what does gossip have to do with energy? It’s like eating sugar. We get a momentary high when we feed off others' energy through gossiping, but it is followed by a low once the “gossip high” wears off.  Then we go back to get another high just to come crashing down again. It feels good for a brief moment and gives us a surge of energy.  If left unchecked, the desire for the “gossip high” will make us sick and create chaos in our life. 

So, where do we get our healthy balanced “energy meals” that give us sustained energy to thrive, not merely survive? 

#1 Connect to a Higher Power: Those who gossip are competing for other humans’ energy. Remember there is infinite energy available to all. Some call this higher power God, Jesus Christ, the Universe, Mother Nature, Source, Buddha, etc. The name isn’t as important as recognizing there is a power greater than us, a power that’s infinite, the power of love. Taking time each day to connect, fill up, and keep light energy flowing is key to receiving an endless supply of energy all day long. If you don’t know how to do this, start by observing the unique beauty around you. Notice the details, the colors, the shapes and then go into appreciation for this beautiful thing. As you give it your appreciation, you shift into love and it shares energy back with you. When you have arrived to this state- then take 3 deep breaths and picture an energy balloon filling up around you. Start living in gratitude and appreciation for everything knowing life is perfect for you. 

#2 Connect to Self: Those who gossip are depleted of energy and are insecure. So, be your own best friend and be good to yourself. What we observe in the outside world is a reflection of what is going on inside. Get really good at observing you. The whole world changes when you change. Life is always serving you the perfect experiences to teach you and help you grow. Instead of resisting the flow, learn every lesson placed in front of you. Love the learning process. Learn to love you!

A few tips for recovering gossipers:

• If you have a habit and are addicted to talking about others, don’t expect immediate reform. Start by noticing yourself when you gossip. Are you depleted of energy? What energy high are you getting from this conversation? How do you feel after the conversation? 

• The weakness you see in others, is a reflection of the weakness in yourself. If you need to gossip, gossip about how you do the very things you see in others. 

• Fill your tank everyday and throughout the day. When you’re nourished by the Infinite energy source, your gossip addiction will shrivel and die. 

A few tips for those listening to gossip:

• Don’t believe what you hear. Use this time to learn more about the heart of the one speaking than the one being spoken about. And remember there are always two sides to every story. If you care about the person and have a relationship with them, you will care about what the other side of the story is. 

• Bring light and consciousness to the conversation. Bring it back to what’s going on with us instead of what’s going on with them.

• Pay attention to the energy inside of you. Focus on filling up with light, so you can listen without being depleted of energy.

• Shift the conversation to another subject and help everyone out by stopping the gossip. 

A few tips for those who are being gossiped about by others:

• Forgive, forgive, forgive. Look with compassion upon those who are depleted of energy. 

• Gossip about you has nothing to do with you. Do not receive others' projections as meaning anything.

• Stay full of light, and all things will turn to your good.