On
October 16, 2007, John and I started praying every night to see the
face of God as promised in D&C 93:1 “Verily, thus saith the
Lord: It shall come to pass that every soul who forsaketh his sins
and cometh unto me, and calleth on my name, and obeyeth my voice, and
keepeth my commandments, shall see my face and know that I am;”
Soon after we began to pray for this blessing, many
challenges came. I was
humbled, smashed, crushed, and humiliated. I felt like I was
drowning. For three years, it was all I could do to keep my head
above water.
In 2009
a friend told me about The Second Comforter, Conversing
With the Lord Through the Veil. I politely listened to her, but
didn't read the book, even though I had been praying for the second
comforter for two years.
In
November 2010, a family member told me about a book she was reading.
Before she could tell me the title, I knew the name of the book. I
asked, “Is it The Second Comforter, Conversing With the Lord
Through the Veil?" It was. I knew I needed to read the book. I
bought it for my husband for Christmas. We couldn't wait and both had
it read by the beginning of December. It was the help we were
seeking.
When I
finished the book, I started to search the Ensign and write down all
the commandments I was failing to live. I also searched the
scriptures. As I read the scriptures, the Lord started to teach me.
He showed me what it meant to be one of his prophets. He led me from
scripture to scripture and began to open my mind.
After
six months of studying, wrestling, and questioning the Lord, I could
see that these LDS 15 presiding leaders were not Jesus's prophets.
I
questioned, “Jesus, are you sure these guys aren't your prophets?
All of my life I've been taught that they are your prophets. Are you
sure?”
He
responded, “Well, I should know these things, but if you don't
believe me, go ask them yourself.” The thought of questioning them
made my jaw drop.
On May
14, 2011, the Lord told me what to say in the letter. I told him I
didn't want to do it. I was nervous about asking them questions. I
argued back, “Do you know what they do to people who ask questions
like that?”
On May
15, 2011, the letter was again put into my mind. This time I got up
and wrote the letter. I decided to write Dallin H. Oaks since he
knows my parents. Here's the letter:
______________________________________________________________________
May
15, 2011
Hello
Elder Oaks,
I’m
Dean and Joy Wilding’s youngest daughter. You came to our wedding
reception in 1991.
Over
the past six months, I’ve had an overwhelming desire to come into
the presence of the Savior, have my calling and election made sure,
become a personal witness of Christ, and receive my vision of the end
from the beginning. Everyday I ask the Lord how I can repent and
please him. It’s the driving force in my life.
Verily, thus saith the
Lord: It shall come to pass that every soul who forsaketh his sins
and cometh unto me and calleth on my name, and obeyeth my voice, and
keepeth my commandments, shall see my face and know that I am; - D&C
93:1
I
have not yet been invited to become a member of the church of the
Lamb of God also known as the church of the Firstborn. By default
that makes me a member of the church of the devil. I desire to get
out of the church of the devil and become a member of the church of
the Lamb of God.
And he said unto me:
Behold there are save two churches only; the one is the church of
the Lamb of God, and the other is the church of the devil;
wherefore, whoso belongeth not to the church of the Lamb of God
belongeth to that great church, which is the mother of abominations;
and she is the whore of all the earth. - 1 Nephi 14:10
I’ve
always thought that I was on the straight and narrow path leading to
eternal life. It seems that I’m on a preliminary path. I have not
yet been cleansed by the Holy Ghost and come into the presence of
the keeper of the gate. See
all of 2 Nephi 31-33
O then, my beloved
brethren, come unto the Lord, the Holy One. Remember that his paths
are righteous. Behold, the way for man is narrow, but it lieth in a
straight course before him, and the keeper of the gate is the Holy
One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there; and there is none
other way save it be by the gate; for he cannot be deceived, for the
Lord God is his name.- 2 Nephi 9:41
Wherefore, do the
things which I have told you I have seen that your Lord and your
Redeemer should do; for, for this cause have they been shown unto
me, that ye might know the gate by which ye should enter. For the
gate by which ye should enter is repentance and baptism by water;
and then cometh a remission of your sins by fire and by the Holy
Ghost. - 2 Nephi 31:17
Right
now I’m repenting of my sins so I can get on the straight and
narrow path. I ask the Lord daily to reveal my sins to me so I can
repent. When I am sufficiently pure, the Lord will come and give me
further instructions.
But, behold, my
beloved brethren, thus came the voice of the Son unto me, saying:
After ye have repented of your sins, and witnessed unto the Father
that ye are willing to keep my commandments, by the baptism of
water, and have received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost,
and can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of
angles, and after this should deny me, it would have been better for
you that ye had not known me. - 2 Nephi 31:14
Behold, this is the
doctrine of Christ, and there will be no more doctrine given until
after he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh. And when he
shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh, the things which he
shall say unto you shall ye observe to do. - 2 Nephi 32:6
I
desire to come into the presence of the Lord and know him so that I
can receive my exaltation. I hear the Holy Ghost talking to me
often, but I have not yet been sanctified. The Holy Ghost has
revealed to me that coming into the presence of the Lord and knowing
Him in this lifetime is essential.
Verily, verily, I say
unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory.
For strait is the
gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and
continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it, because ye
receive me not in the world neither do ye know me.
But if ye receive me
in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your
exaltation; that where I am ye shall be also. - D&C 132:21-23
There
are many scriptures showing me that all the Holy Prophets have
followed the pattern of becoming sanctified, coming into the
presence of the Lord, witnessing the ministry and atonement of
Christ, and receiving their vision of the beginning to the end:
Lehi, Nephi, Jacob, Enos, King Benjamin, Isaiah, John, brother of
Jared, Joseph in Egypt, etc. They are qualified to reveal and
prophesy because they’ve seen it all and have been commissioned to
do so.
It
has been my understanding that the reason we sustain the First
Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve as Prophets, Seers, and
Revelators is because all of you have been sanctified, have had the
experience of seeing the Savior face to face, and have become
apostolic witnesses of His birth, death, atonement, and
resurrection. As part of that experience you’ve also seen the
history and future of the world. Is this true?
As
I listened to this last general conference, I was alarmed and
concerned. I heard messages that were inconsistent with the message
I read in the Book of Mormon. For those of you who have had the
same experience as Nephi and the Brother of Jared, would you
instruct us on how we can obey and please the Lord so that we can
have the experience of entering back into the presence of the Lord?
And it came to pass
after I, Nephi, having heard all the words of my father, concerning
the things which he saw in a vision, and also the things which he
spake by the power of the Holy Ghost, which power he received by
faith on the Son of God—and the Son of God was the Messiah who
should come—I, Nephi, was desirous also that I might see, and
hear, and know of these things, by the power of the Holy Ghost,
which is the gift of God unto all those who diligently seek him, as
well in times of old as in the time that he should manifest himself
unto the children of men.
For he is the same
yesterday, today, and forever; and the way is prepared for all men
from the foundation of the world, if it so be that they repent and
come unto him.
For he that
diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be
unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these
times as in times of old, and as well in times of old as in times to
come; wherefore, the course of the Lord is one eternal round.- 1
Nephi 10:17-19
For it came to pass
after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and
believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I
sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in the Spirit of the
Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had
before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot. - 1
Nephi 11:1
Nephi
wasn’t a sign seeker but he knew that he could have the same vision
as his father if he would but diligently seek the Lord. Nephi mourns
because of our unbelief, wickedness, and ignorance. He’s telling
us how to receive the same visions and manifestations that he’s
had, yet we won’t seek after them with all our heart.
And now I, Nephi,
cannot say more; the Spirit stoppeth mine utterance, and I am left to
mourn because of the unbelief, and the wickedness, and the ignorance,
and the stiffneckedness of men; for they will not search knowledge,
nor understand great knowledge, when it is given unto them in
plainness, even as plain as word can be. - 1 Nephi 32:7
In
Elder David A. Bednar’s talk he speaks of “looking beyond the
mark” as looking for great manifestations promised by God himself.
Jesus Christ is the mark. Coming back into his presence while in the
flesh is the greatest manifestation we can seek for in this life. I
don’t want to be normal and be part of the mainstream that enters
the broad gate and follows the wide road. I want to be peculiar and
treasured by the Lord. If you read the rest of Jacob 4:14 you’ll
see that “looking beyond the mark” is being stiffnecked and
unwilling to repent. “Looking beyond the mark” does not mean
looking for the miracles and angels promised to the believers.
Behold I say unto you,
Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith
that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things
have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of
unbelief, and all is vain. - Moroni 7:37
“We as members of the
Church tend to emphasize marvelous and dramatic spiritual
manifestations so much that we may fail to appreciate and may even
overlook the customary pattern by which the Holy Ghost accomplishes
His work. The very “simpleness of the way” (1 Nephi 17:41) of
receiving small and incremental spiritual impressions that over time
and in totality constitute a desired answer or the direction we need
may cause us to look “beyond the mark” (Jacob 4:14).
I have talked with many
individuals who question the strength of their personal testimony and
underestimate their spiritual capacity because they do not receive
frequent, miraculous, or strong impressions. Perhaps as we consider
the experiences of Joseph in the Sacred Grove, of Saul on the road to
Damascus, and of Alma the Younger, we come to believe something is
wrong with or lacking in us if we fall short in our lives of these
well-known and spiritually striking examples. If you have had similar
thoughts or doubts, please know that you are quite normal. Just keep
pressing forward obediently and with faith in the Savior. As you do
so, you “cannot go amiss” (D&C 80:3).
President Joseph F. Smith
counseled: “Show me Latter-day Saints who have to feed upon
miracles, signs and visions in order to keep them steadfast in the
Church, and I will show you members … who are not in good standing
before God, and who are walking in slippery paths. It is not by
marvelous manifestations unto us that we shall be established in the
truth, but it is by humility and faithful obedience to the
commandments and laws of God” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1900,
40).” (David A. Bednar, The Spirit of Revelation, April 2011
Conference)
When
“individuals who question the strength of their personal testimony
and underestimate their spiritual capacity because they do not
receive frequent, miraculous, or strong impressions” ask questions
of their leaders, they need to be told how to repent. Being consoled
in our wickedness will never bring us back into the presence of the
Lord. Something is wrong if we’re not following and experiencing
the spiritually striking examples of the Holy Prophets. God is the
same yesterday, today, and forever. God gives the examples so we
know what to look for.
For I, the Almighty,
have laid my hands upon the nations, to scourge them for their
wickedness.
And plagues shall go
forth, and they shall not be taken from the earth until I have
completed my work, which shall be cut short in righteousness—
Until all shall know
me, who remain, even from the least unto the greatest, and shall be
filled with the knowledge of the Lord, and shall see eye to eye, and
shall lift up their voice, and with the voice together sing this new
song, saying: D&C 84:96-98
In
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s talk “Waiting on the Road to
Damascus”, he speaks of Joseph Smith having divine manifestations
like Paul. Do the current apostles have these kind of
manifestations? I understand that our testimony doesn’t come all
at once, but when I come to know Christ, it is my hope that He
doesn’t come “almost unnoticed”. I desire to see him in all
his glory.
We know that
manifestations such as this happen. In fact, we testify that a
similar divine experience happened in 1820 to a boy named Joseph
Smith. It is our clear and certain testimony that the heavens are
open again and that God speaks to His prophets and apostles. God
hears and answers the prayers of His children. . .
The truth is, those who
diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him.
They will personally receive a divine portrait of the Master,
although it most often comes in the form of a puzzle—one piece at a
time. Each individual piece may not be easily recognizable by itself;
it may not be clear how it relates to the whole. Each piece helps us
to see the big picture a little more clearly. Eventually, after
enough pieces have been put together, we recognize the grand beauty
of it all. Then, looking back on our experience, we see that the
Savior had indeed come to be with us—not all at once but quietly,
gently, almost unnoticed.
I
was reading Elder Boyd K Packer’s October 2007 talk “The Weak and
the Simple of the Church”, and I appreciate the straight forward
manner in which Elder Packer talks of his witness of Christ. I too
was surprised to find out that Apostles don’t need to have a unique
and special witness of Christ.
To my great surprise, I
was called to meet with President David O. McKay. He took both of my
hands in his and called me to be one of the General Authorities, an
Assistant to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
A few days later, I came
to Salt Lake City to meet with the First Presidency to be set apart
as one of the General Authorities of the Church. This was the first
time I had met with the First Presidency—President David O. McKay
and his counselors, President Hugh B. Brown and President Henry D.
Moyle.
President McKay explained
that one of the responsibilities of an Assistant to the Twelve was to
stand with the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as a special witness and
to bear testimony that Jesus is the Christ. What he said next
overwhelmed me: “Before we proceed to set you apart, I ask you to
bear your testimony to us. We want to know if you have that witness.”
I did the best I could. I
bore my testimony the same as I might have in a fast and testimony
meeting in my ward. To my surprise, the Brethren of the Presidency
seemed pleased and proceeded to confer the office upon me.
That puzzled me greatly,
for I had supposed that someone called to such an office would have
an unusual, different, and greatly enlarged testimony and spiritual
power. . .
I bear witness that the
gospel is true and that the worth of souls is great in the sight of
God—every soul—and that we are blessed to be members of the
Church. I have the witness that would qualify me for the calling I
have. I’ve had it since I met the First Presidency those many years
ago. I bear it to you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
In
David B. Haight’s April 1989 talk “The Sacrament—and the
Sacrifice” he shares his experience and apostolic witness of
Christ. David B. Haight is a special witness of Christ.
. . .I had never doubted
nor wondered. But now I knew, because of the impressions of the
Spirit upon my heart and soul, these divine truths in a most unusual
way.
I was shown a panoramic
view of His earthly ministry: His baptism, His teaching, His healing
the sick and lame, the mock trial, His Crucifixion, His Resurrection
and Ascension. There followed scenes of His earthly ministry to my
mind in impressive detail, confirming scriptural eyewitness accounts.
I was being taught, andthe eyes of my
understanding were opened by the Holy Spirit of God so as to behold
many things. . .
Have
all the apostles received an apostolic witness of Christ unique and
different from the faith and belief that most of us have? I like
many others believe He lives because we can feel it in our hearts,
but we are not yet special witnesses of Him. Have you seen him and
witnessed His baptism, His teaching, His healing the sick and lame,
the mock trial, His Crucifixion, His Resurrection, and His Ascension?
I
ask this question because I am studying this issue out in my mind. I
don’t hear the special apostolic witness of Christ shared in our
general conferences apart from the one I quoted from David B. Haight.
I need to know why we call the current First Presidency and Quorum
of the Twelve Apostles Prophets, Seers, and Revelators.
Thank
you for all you do. I sustain you with my prayers and fellowship.
Jennifer
Willis
______________________________________________________________________
I didn't know if I would get a response. They're busy and probably don't have time
to respond to my questions, but to my surprise, Dallin Oaks sent me a
response. Here is a copy of the letter:
I had my
answer. I could tell from his response that he wasn't the kind of
prophet I read about in the scriptures. I don't fault him for it . .
. I'm not a prophet either. The Lord knew I needed this letter as a
second witness. The scriptures and God's voice were my first
witness. This letter was my second.
