If You're Not Wrong, You Can't Repent

If you can’t see you’re wrong, you’re not going to repent. How is it even possible to repent if you can’t see your problem? Real repentance can only begin when your conscience convicts you. I emphasize BEGIN to repent. The recognition of your dysfunction has to come from deep within you. No human can tell you what you need to do to repent. It is your connection with God that initiates this process. 

Repentance doesn’t need to take a long time, but it usually does. Once I’ve recognized my dysfunction, it usually takes me about 5 years of constant effort to repent. There are many examples I could share; I’ll share just two:

A Christmas Present for Jesus

Years ago, I wanted to give Jesus a Christmas present. He’s already paid for my sins, so at least I could give Him those. I might sound stingy, but I decided to give Him just one of my sins. My plan was to make a real change throughout the year in the upward direction. 

I started with my most annoying dysfunction. It was something I learned to do as a child, a family dynamic that felt comfortable and natural. . . using pouting, sulking, manipulating, and guilt tripping to maneuver and operate when things didn’t go my way. I really didn’t like it when others used these tactics on me. I remember telling my mother, “You’re sending me on a guilt trip, and I am not going!!!” But I could see I was also using those same tactics on others because they kind of worked some of the time.  

So the process of repentance began. Time after time, I failed. What used to be unnoticeable by me stood out like a sore thumb. It was obvious I wasn’t doing too well. It was like cleaning up the cobwebs and cluttered rooms of my soul. It would have been easier to keep the door shut on some of the rooms. I would clean up one mess, just to see another mess that was hidden under the clutter.

I didn’t do it alone. I felt the Lord’s guidance and encouragement, but He didn’t just take away the dysfunction. I was required to learn the lessons. I was given many situations where I would practice. I tripped and fell many times. My dysfunction became so obvious to me, and I saw my weakness and failure glaring back at me. 

A year later, I was apologizing to Jesus for giving Him the same boring present I gave Him the previous year. I had made some progress, but there was still a lot to learn. After five years of continued attention, I finally felt I had improved to the point where I could BEGIN to repent of another dysfunction. Yes, I still have hiccups here and there, but I am different than I was. As a bonus, I am now quite good at identifying the manipulator and all that goes along with that package. 

I continue to give away my dysfunction to Jesus but am kind of slow. It takes a long time for me to be successful in keeping some of the most simple commandments. The process continues year after year.

Currently Repenting Of . . . 

The summer of 2021, I was in a situation that was super triggering. When I am triggered, it is ALWAYS my problem. I’ve believed this principle for over 35 years and have even published a picture book about this guiding principle. 

I struggled for months, and I couldn’t figure out my problem. It really looked like the other person’s problem, but I knew that couldn’t be true. So, I laid my case before the Lord and asked, “What is my problem?” 

The answer came quickly and clearly, “You are a codependent people pleaser. Do not project your garbage onto others, and when they project their garbage onto you, receive it as meaning nothing.” 

Wow! Jesus was right. None of my friends would have given me that feedback, but it was true. Jesus identified the root of my issue. I was trying to please someone else, and they couldn’t be pleased. When I stopped trying to please them, the problem resolved itself. 

For the last three years, I’ve been given many opportunities to repent of my codependent people-pleasing tendencies. I've been in this repentance cycle for a little less than three years. I am learning to trust God in all things and stop depending on unstable humans for validation and acceptance. I am happier than I’ve ever been, and am feeling freedom I did not know was possible. It’s been lonely at times, but absolutely worth it! I’m in the middle of a repentance cycle. We’ll see what happens in the next 2 ½ years.